What Full Circle Means Today
My show at Luna has been up for a month, but I am just starting to really talk about it now. It has been interesting, engaging with my creativity in new and experimental ways. I have been talking for a while about being in partnership with my creativity, and I am in the process of playing a bit more with it. In particular, what kind of structure is best for different phases of the creative process?
In the past, I have relied on deadlines and expectations to keep me on task. This tends to work pretty well, except for when it does not. We all know too well the feeling of trying to force something. Many creatives also know the feeling of wanting to give up, just as things are about to come together. So I am working on building a relationship with these dynamics and play and experiment with them a bit.
As I was working on my new website a few weeks ago, getting close to the launch, I had something familiar happen: dread. I’ve stopped taking this personally and instead see it as a sign that I am getting closer to completion of a project. I swear, there would be far more professional independent artists of all genres in the world if we collectively knew that the emotions that often keep us from completing our projects are just guideposts of where we are in the process, versus truth of the state of our creative being. More on that soon- workshop series forthcoming!
There was another experience that I could not push through, however: profound exhaustion. I am familiar with the signs of burnout, and have recovered from them more often than I may even realize. But this was a whole new level. I worked non-stop through 2020. I moved twice during the pandemic (long story, don’t recommend it). I never had the rest or boredom some complained about, although I still comparably had it pretty darn good. When I quit my design job at the end of January to take some time to get back to my art and Workerby, I gave myself February to “recover”. Yet when I went to kick things in to gear in March, things were slow. Things are still slow. So when I was hit with deep exhaustion as I was on the verge of launch of this site, I promised myself I would let myself nap as much as I needed once I completed it. Reader, I slept for two weeks. I unapologetically took morning naps, I took afternoon naps, and slept a solid 8 hours + each night.
I say unapologetically, but I did have a tinge of guilt here and there. And a worry that I may never feel rested. Then I read the New York Times article on Languishing. I was not alone. None of us are alone. I took a hint and spent much time in nature last week between all of the naps. It was a luxury in a time of limitations.
I share all of this because “Full Circle” means so many layers of things to me. As I wrote in my previous post, it is not about an ending, but a returning to something familiar with new perspective. Whether a personal or global reckoning, we have all made promises to ourselves over the pandemic that we will not put up with something any more, that we will stand up for things that we were too nervous to call out in the past, that we will be our more authentic selves.
What are your promises? What is coming Full Circle for you? Drop a line and let me know how you’re doing.
In the meantime, if you are not in Fargo, you can check out the photo gallery of the Full Circle show here. I am still working on the shop, which should be up and running in the next couple of weeks.
